Tag Archives: Guest Blog

Guest Blog by Christina Harding

Writing BDSM as a Feminist

by Christina Harding

 

I am a self-descried feminist, yet at the same time I also enjoy reading and writing BDSM. These two traits seem to contradict each other. On one hand, feminism is about the equality of the sexes, while on the other hand “dominance and submission” is literally in the definition of BDSM. And so, it has been a bit of a grapple for me to figure out how to rationalize these two opposing values.

In this rationalization, I think it’s important to keep in mind exactly what feminism entails. For this, I would like to refer you to this speech given by Emma Watson to the UN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rymHYhlbBmw. If you have not yet had a chance to watch this powerful and eloquent speech, I highly recommend it. Ms. Watson perfectly encapsulates my views on feminism. Unfortunately the word “feminism” has become synonymous with “man-hating” and with cold-hearted women who only care about their career. But this is not the integrity of the ideology which feminism stands for. Feminists simply believe that both sexes should be treated with the same respect and privileges. It would be hard for me to list an ideal which I hold closer to my heart.

However, I remember back to when I was as young as seven years old having dreams in which I was a slave being whipped, which I strangely enjoyed. At that time, I didn’t have the understanding or vocabulary to describe this strange joy, but in my later years I came to realize I was experiencing arousal. This type of dream reached an apex for me many years later when I was traveling in Venice, Italy (strangely enough). In this dream I was being gang-raped by three different completely unattractive men. They were practically fully clothed and I was naked. Over the years I’ve learned to have some control over my dreams, and so I manipulated it to make the scenario as vulgar as possible. I woke myself up, soaking wet. I had to go to the restroom to dry myself off. When I woke up the next morning I had completely forgotten the dream, until I discovered I still needed to dry myself off.

At this point, it’s important to backtrack. Both of the stories I have provided have been dreams. The reality of the matter is that truly whipping a slave or gang-raping a woman are horrible crimes which will have lasting effects on the physical and mental well-being of the victim. Nearly ten years ago I was home alone at around 12:30am when a stranger tried to break into my home with the intent of hurting me. Fortunately the criminal was unsuccessful in his ploy, but it left me terrified of being home alone at night. It’s a fear that has lead me to install alarm systems in my home and avoid being home alone at night whenever possible. This close call nearly ten years ago has made me feel uncomfortable in my own home ever since. I can only imagine the impact it would have had if this criminal had actually been successful.

Clearly I become aroused when BDSM graces my dreams, but pushing this line in reality is a completely different matter. However, that’s where the important distinction lies. Dreams, much like fantasies, are not reality. Many little boys love the fantasy of killing a dragon, but if faced with the “reality” of a huge fire-breathing dragon, would probably feel otherwise. This is the same case with BDSM.

There are many authors who refuse to write BDSM because they “know too many people who have been raped.” I completely sympathize and respect this concern. However, I think psychotic men who would actually rape a woman would do so regardless of whether or not they read my work. A man who would do such a thing has a lot of other problems which have little to do with my writing.

Additionally, I personally found I could only truly appreciate my own sexuality when I learned to embrace my desire for the fantasy of BDSM. Finally learning to embrace and express this fantasy originated in the very safe place of reading BDSM. Then it progressed into role-play with my husband. While this may seem more like “reality” the fact of the matter is that I’m in a loving, committed, trusting relationship, and I know that if I ever seriously conveyed any kind of discomfort my husband would stop immediately. This is fantasy because we’re “pretending.” Finally, I continued to explore my thirst for BDSM by writing some of my own in the form of a paranormal erotic novelette, Underneath the Gargoyle. The fact that this is a paranormal novelette couldn’t underscore more the fact that this is a fantasy. Embracing and exploring my love for BDSM has enriched my sex life and strengthened my relationship with my husband.

I am a feminist who also believes that sexuality is an integral part of human existence and a happy marriage. Sometimes fully embracing our sexuality entails accepting and cultivating a desire for BDSM. I write BDSM because I believe enacting our sexual fantasies in a committed, trusting relationship is another way to express our love.

gargoylecoverChristina Harding is an erotica reviewer and author of Underneath the Gargoyle available from Amazon and Smashword, and check out Christina’s blog where she reviews erotica and follow her on twitter @TinaErotica. You can read my review of Underneath the Gargoyle on my blog.

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Guest Blog: The Hypocrisy of Amazon

The Hypocrisy of Amazon
By Deana Michaels

Censorship is alive and well in modern America and the world, coming down hard on the genre of Erotica. There are a number of genres that Amazon does not want erotica Authors to publish on their sites such as incest.

Now Amazon has no problem posting books that are non-erotica that deal with this topic, the best selling Game of Thrones and its sequels comes to mind with depictions of incest between twin siblings that could be ripped right out of the pages of any hot erotica. Or How I Live Now depicting first cousins getting hot and heavy in the aftermath of world war three.

But you want to write a hot story about a brother and sister, both adults and both consenting, that want to get it on, and suddenly your book is banned from Amazon. Why? Censorship. They make claims like it’s illegal, its immoral, it results in inbreeding. All of these points are easily refuted.

If you couldn’t write about something that is illegal than half of literature would be gone. From stories of vigilante justice, to murder, to serial killers, to vampires would all be banned. And immoral? The scarlet letter, anyone. And, sure, incest can lead to bad outcomes in the real world, but that isn’t what erotica is about. It’s about fantasies. About doing things you couldn’t do in the real world, having experiences that you couldn’t have for a lot of reasons.

So what’s an erotica author going to do who wants to write about an adult daughter and her father getting together, or siblings, or mothers and sons, or fathers and sons, or any combination in between? Simple, we call them ‘step-brother’ or ‘brother-in-law’ or ‘adopted father’. But everyone really knows what your doing, including the readers that eat up the ‘taboo’ books on Amazon, knowing it’s code for what the pseudo-incest substitute for what they really want and what Amazon is too scared to give them.

And that’s a shame. Censorship never is good, it limits the world, limits discussion, stifles growth. And those that are being censored will find ways around those forces, thinking outside of the box to find ways around the limitations and get their art out there.

About the Author: Deana Micheals is the newest author to join Naughty Ladies Publications and is the author of the upcoming Taboo Summer Vacation, the taboo story of love and lust as Kylie and Scott celebrate their engagement with their adopted families. After a night of drinking, taboo lust is kindled when Kylie slips into the wrong bed.

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